It was nearing Christmas 1983, and the young child had only one request that year.  For the millionth time, she approached her father with pleading eyes, saying, “Daddy, there’s only one gift I want—a Cabbage Patch Kid that is bald and has a pacifier, like my baby brother.”

With great love for his child and great awareness of the high demand for this item, the father searched various ads in newspapers and eventually came across a one-day sale of these dolls at a huge warehouse.  On that particular day, he bundled up for the zero degree weather and arrived at the store at five in the morning, only to find a line of people wrapped around the entire building.  After a couple of hours of waiting while police officers let in small groups at a time, the father finally dashed into the warehouse.  Seeing almost immediately what his youngster requested, he grabbed the doll and held it tightly while paying and going to the car.  On Christmas morning, the father observed his little girl hurry to the living room, and her twinkling eyes and gleaming smile displayed her absolute delight of having her new doll, Teddy Nevel Larson.

We come across patients and families in our work now who yearn for “physical” gifts in order to lengthen and enhance their lives.  As we strive for endless hours to meet these requests, may we know that the Almighty Father also hears the requests of His children and travels alongside all of us through these journeys.

Let us pray:

O Giver of Life, there are days when we are so tired and do not know how to further impact the donation process.  You know our longing to continue to make this process successful, and You know the desires and needs of those who are waiting for their gifts of life.  We just ask for Your continued guidance and intervention in all of this.  In Your precious name we pray, Amen.

Imagine the following situation.  The alarm clock blares at you as you awaken from a deep sleep—thirty minutes later than you wanted!  Yikes!  You scramble out of bed and dash to the shower…only to find you have no hot water!  Washing and drying as fast as you can, you search through your dresser and find very little clean clothing, so you scramble through the laundry hamper to find the “cleanest” clothing possible.  After you finally dress yourself, you dash to the door…but you cannot locate your keys in their usual place.  “Oh no!  Where did I put them?!”  Searching through the stacks of mail, a familiar clinking sound against the granite counter arises from the bottom of the pile.  Grabbing the keys, you run to your vehicle and speed to the nearest hospital entrance, praying that you won’t see any red and blue flashing lights tailing you.  Have you ever had one of these mornings?

This scenario that I have described further resembles what has been occurring over the last few weeks and even few months as we’ve been opening the Trauma ICU and continue to prepare for the arrival of trauma patients.  With all of this chaos comes additional stress that we will continuously face within all of ICU.  So, how are you taking care of yourself?  How will you continue to do this as the level of care intensifies?

Three suggestions come to mind:

1. Breathing/quiet moments.  Slow down and take a moment to focus.  Inhale as deeply as possible and then exhale slowly.
2. Recite scripture or any positive words that encourage you.  You may want to write these on an index card and post them in your car or even memorize them.  Both of these ideas can happen while you’re charting, taking a break, or just sitting for a moment at the nurses’ station.
3. The last idea is more specific regarding when it occurs.  Everyone has heard the phrase “foam in, foam out.”  Since this always has to occur before any entrance to a patient’s room, why don’t we “pray in, pray out?”  Pray for yourself as you prepare to enter the room; pray for peace and concentration upon the patient’s needs and/or the ability to set aside your own personal struggles.  Then, pray for the patient and/or family when leaving the room.  Pray for his or her well-being and/or relief from any possible suffering as well as courage and strength for their family members.  When we do this, we are symbolically taking the care from our own hands and placing them in the hands of the Great Healer.

While reflecting on this time of year, one particular memory stands out to me.  It happened on a brisk, autumn evening about twenty-five years ago.  Dressed in long-sleeved pajamas, I stood in the kitchen, listening to my parents discuss their decision for my father to take Leo, our Schnauzer, to the vet one last time.  After saying good-bye to Leo, Dad carried him out to the car and drove away.  About an hour later, with much hope to see Leo again, I scurried back into the kitchen only to see Dad walk in empty-handed.  Bursting into tears, my parents comforted and consoled me by talking about Leo and his life and then reading the children’s book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, which basically describes the changes that happen in life.

Thus, for me, autumn has always served as a season of change.  It serves a twofold purpose: a period of reflecting upon what has already happened and a time to prepare for what lies ahead.  Anatole France stated, “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”

So, what memories of autumn do you have?  What changes are you making or preparing to make this season?  During this particular year, here in the ICU, I am keenly aware of the preparations we are making for trauma to come here.  While this may serve as a time of excitement for some, it may cause anxiety and even grief for others regarding the changes we face in our patient care.

As I was reminded earlier today in the IOPO video “No Greater Love,” Ezekiel 36:26 states, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”  On a broader sense, let us remember now that the Lord serves as the primary facilitator of removing old organs and gives new ones to our recipients while refreshing the spirits of all our patients and their families.

Let us pray:

Lord, we are thankful at this moment that You are the Giver of Life.  You are the overseer of the whole organ donation process for every donor, recipient, family member and team player involved.  In this very hour, we ask You now to guide us in our decisions, so we may best serve all the patients and their families in our care.  In Your Name, we pray, Amen.

Close your eyes for a moment.  Imagine yourself doing your usual morning routine—getting out of bed, showering, dressing yourself, and basically living out your life.  Now, imagine waking up one morning but not being able to climb out of bed on your own.  You can’t bathe nor dress nor even feed yourself.  You are dependent upon another person for basic necessities.

As one who was recently a patient, I experienced much of this.  Approximately two and a half months ago, I underwent a hip replacement surgery.  I relied on many others for my provisions.  Can you actually believe a nurse even scolded me for walking alone from my bed to the bathroom?!  Anyway, while I struggled through this six-week period of being more in the role of “care receiver” rather than “caregiver,” this “valley” served as a great time of reflection, offering numerous hours for me to examine my life and realign my priorities in pursuit of the Lord’s will.

Now, in our area, we serve greatly as primary caregivers by medicating, feeding, and nurturing our patients.  Many of them are not even aware or do not recall our services in the days to come.  However, there is one group that does—their loved ones.  They wait in the lounge for endless periods, longing for updates from the medical team.  They spend many hours at the bedside, listening, watching, and praying for a miracle.  It’s in these “valleys” where several of them begin reflecting on the memories shared with the one lying in the bed and become aware of the dreams that probably will never be fulfilled.  They watch their loved one leave this earth, and thus, they themselves take the first steps to life alone.

Awhile ago, I read a chapter from the book Bridge Called Hope written by Kim Meeder, which demonstrated how a troubled boy learned to trust in another’s expression of love from working with a horse.  The trainer instructed the boy to stand in the center of the pen while the horse travels along its outside wall.   It is mentioned how, after a while, a horse will grow weary of trotting and cantering along the outskirts and desires to draw towards the center where the individual is located to obtain an intimate connection.

As I reflected on this image, it reminds me of the process at the end of the patient’s life and the guidance we offer the families.  The family stands in the middle of the tragic chaos while they watch their loved one make no progress forward with their future life here on earth and, instead, approach closer and closer to death.  We, as the medical team, offer instructions to what the family may experience and attempt to help them in having some intimate, final moments with their loved one.

Lord, continue to offer us words of wisdom to speak to the families we encounter as well as show us how to have a comforting presence during these final moments of good-byes.  Also, please continue to teach us in how we can best help the families in sharing the memories of their loved one by allowing the cycle of life to move on through the donation process.  In Your name we pray, Amen.

 

 

Imagine that you are about ready to go on a ropes course.  Standing at the bottom of a thirty foot wall, you observe the irregular-shaped rocks that are sporadically dispersed along the upward journey.  Overwhelmed with anxiety and fear, you mutter, “I’m not sure about this.  I don’t think I can make it.”  The guide hands you a helmet which you reluctantly place upon your head, securing the strap tightly beneath your chin.  Next, you slowly step into a harness that you tightly wrap around your upper thighs, hips, and waist and fasten yourself with a metal hook to the rope that streams upward parallel to the wall.  After making the necessary preparations to serve as the “anchor” below, the guide affirmatively says, “All right; it’s time.  Let’s do this together.”  You approach the wall and then place one hand and one foot each on a rock while reaching with the opposite hand to grasp a rock above your head.  After about five minutes of the climbing process, you pause to take a momentary break.  Below, the guide hollers, “You’re doing great!  You’re about halfway there.”  You glance upward and proceed to climb again.  Shortly thereafter, you find yourself standing atop the wall, gazing down as well as to the scenery surrounding you at eye level.  Feeling a sense of perseverance, you realized you were able to accomplish your goal!

Now, imagine climbing that same wall without the proper equipment and no wisdom or encouragement from the guide.  You probably would not be able to do it, would you?  At least not safely, that is.  This is what some, if not many, of our patients and families experience right when they enter through our doors.  Feelings of anxiety, despair, hopelessness, and discouragement.  However, along with the appropriate treatment for our patients and families from each of you as well as with your genuine caring, encouraging presence, you can establish a safe, comfortable environment where patients and their loved ones may process and endure the crises that they are encountering.

Speaking from a personal note here, I can testify to the truth of the mixed emotions that arise within our patients and their loved ones.  Exactly three weeks ago today, along with my family, I walked through the doors of our hospital not as a chaplain but as a patient to undergo foot surgery—the fourteenth operation of my lifetime.  With each and every procedure I have undergone, my family and I all voiced statements expressing nervousness and anxiety about what is soon to occur and the future thereafter.  Will the surgery go smoothly and be successful?  What risks are involved?  What will the recovery process be like afterwards, and how will this affect my daily living?  Fortunately, thanks to the staff here as well as to the support of my family and friends, I have been able to start working towards “getting back on my feet” again.

So, my challenge to each of you is that, as our patients and their loved ones strive toward establishing some sort of normalcy in their lives again, may you serve as a positive influence in their healing process.  May the Lord work through each of you individually in implementing your own gifts and knowledge, so we may all serve as anchors with assisting our patients and their families in reaching the tops of the walls they face!

Lord, as we reflect on those whom we have cared for, give us the necessary wisdom, words, attitudes, and resources to continue to best care for those whom we interact with on a daily basis.  Guide us as we attempt to serve as a guide to others through their healing processes.  In Your precious name, Amen.

Nine years ago, I remember saying good-bye to one of the most special women in my life—my grandmother whom I called “Mimi.” The family all sat around her bed in the dimly lit room. We shared in the final moments of laughter and tears all together for the last time. When it came time to leave, I drew closer to Mimi’s side, saying my final words to her. At this time, her face filled with recognition and delight but still being unable to speak my name.

A couple of weeks later, I received the call from my father that my grandmother had gone to be with our heavenly Father. As the family gathered for lunch after the funeral, we began remising in the good memories with Mimi. One of my favorite stories was observing and learning about Mimi’s interactions with complete strangers. She could strike up a conversation with anyone and, within ten minutes or so, return to us with a synopsis of the individual’s life journey—where they were from, what they did for a living, inquiring about their family background, etc.

Today, as I reflect on this memory, I also realize: Isn’t that what we do in our daily interactions with patients and families? We are placed in a position to establish a sudden bond with the patient and/or family, listening to their expressions in these crises and walking with them in the journey.

After having observed this multiple times in our roles with each other as well as how we relate to those whom we serve, I am aware that one common theme exists: relationships. Relationships bring significance to us as caregivers in how we connect with our patients and further help them connect with their loved ones. Relationships bring us fulfillment with each other in our roles on the medical team—supporting, encouraging, and challenging us to offer the best care. Overall, relationships are the “glue” for living; they hold us together when our world is being turned upside down.

As I gaze out my window to the wintry wonderland, this recent snowfall serves as another reminder that we are in the midst of the holiday season.  Cars drive slowly by houses decorated with strands of multicolored lights and nativity scenes sitting upon some of the front lawns.  Inside, an elderly individual rocks endlessly in a chair, singing well-loved carols, while staring at the numerous ornaments hanging from the tree.  Children of all ages leave smudges on window panes, hoping to glimpse Saint Nicholas flying through the sky.  Within another home, a man hands a woman a small black box secured with a red ribbon, and she receives it graciously with a smile.

What about those of us who are struggling with this season?  Grieving over the loss of a loved one this past year?  Having to end a relationship due to incredible difficulties within it?  Being bedridden and/or hospitalized due to an illness that appears to have an endless recovery?  Feeling disconnected from those whom we love so dearly because of circumstances beyond our control?

As we wrestle through these issues as well as others, we may endure periods of extreme loneliness or even feeling abandoned.  With these unbearable times, we may further display anger, frustration, selfishness, and self-pity—all revealing a “self” whom is not appealing.  Recently, I read a “Daughters of Promise” devotional where the author Christine Wyrtzen stated, “What spills out during the times when I am stretched to my limit reflects the kind of faith I have cultivated previously.  A well-known bible teacher said, ‘Who I am when hard times hit is really who I am.’   True!  The words I speak during my most painful moments are a mirror that reflects the foundation of my life.”  So, who is your true self?  What serves as your “foundation of life” that assists you in overcoming the bleak moments?

While some may turn to family, friends, co-workers, and even possessions for comfort, others may run to the loving arms of the Lord, weeping and praying something like, “Why is all of this happening simultaneously?  I am so frustrated and hurt!  Where are You?  Do You even care?’  Having recently treaded this deserted valley myself, I found myself praying with a seeking heart for a reason, and then appeared the image of His Son nailed to the cross, crying out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”  There it was—an answer as clear as an empty crystal glass!  While Christ Himself suffered separation from the Father, we will never have this encounter!

Hubert Van Zeller once commented, “The soul hardly ever realizes it, but whether he is a believer or not, his loneliness is really a homesickness for God.”  Reflecting upon this quote and relishing in the Lord’s presence, my feelings of loneliness and abandonment subsided, for I became keenly aware of His omnipresent hand at my side and His drawing me closer to Him during this season.  It further has allowed me to prayerfully support and encourage my loved ones through their own joys and trials, knowing only for a season that we will be apart and that the love will always remain fruitful.

 

Have you ever reflected on the word “patient?”  Having experienced numerous hospitalizations myself, I personally know what it means to come to the hospital to receive medical treatment.  You check-in, wait, are led to a private room, wait, are examined by the physician/nurse, wait…the cycle continues.  Thus, with all the waiting done here, how appropriate that we use term “patient!”

Now, what are you waiting for in your life?  You may feel like you are the patient of the Great Physician.  Despite all the trials before you, know that you are never alone, for the Lord is always at your side…even when you may not sense it.  Psalm 27:13-14 reminds us, “…[Be] confident of this: [you] will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Like the patients whom we serve have to wait to renew their strength and possibly hope, may this period offer a renewal in your journey with the Great Physician.

With the arrival of spring, a friend and I sat beside a lake, watching several ducks with their babies actively meandering around near the shoreline in pursuit of food.  Suddenly, a terror-filled, heartbreaking scene unfolded before our eyes.  The flock of birds darted towards the water as a hawk swooped down from overhead and scarfed up one of the ducklings.  My friend and I just felt shock, despair and numbness.  What could we do?  Absolutely nothing.

Here, in the hospital, we, as associates, as well as the patients in our care and their loved ones endure numerous experiences where we feel like our “hands are tied”—where we feel like absolutely nothing can be done.  An unexpected admission into the hospital.  A code that lasts for what seems like eternity.  A new diagnosis of a terminal illness.  An increase in our workload due to the absence of a co-worker.  A sudden change in a patient’s condition that leads to death.  Through various circumstances, we wrestle through a plethora of emotions, riding the rollercoaster of life in a sense of daze and confusion.

However, the clergyman Thomas S. Monson once stated, “Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives.”  This faith brings a sense of grounding in the chaos of burdensome times; it brings us to our knees where we can fully lean on the Lord, trusting Him to act according to His will.  In the presence of the Father, we are reminded of what Moses said to Joshua and all of Israel in Deuteronomy 31:8: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Fully trust in the Lord to be your anchor, and know that, with eternal hope, He can turn the nothing into something!

 

 

It was a beautiful morning in February 1991.  I was sitting on a church pew, listening intently to my pastor deliver his sermon.  Suddenly, as if a mallet hit me atop my head, the Lord whispered to me, “I want you to go in the ministry.” Accepting the call solely and completely by faith, I then shared this incident with my family and friends.  However, I did not expect the responses of disbelief and lack of support due to my young age of twelve years as well as having never had anyone in my family serve in ministry.  Despite the isolation of remaining in my faith at this time, this period offered growth and strength in my walk with the Lord.

Several years later, while making a decision on what internship to pursue for my Masters of Divinity, I spoke to both a professor and the director of Career Services on separate occasions but on the same day.

They both inquired, “Have you considered hospital chaplaincy?”

Having had at least thirteen surgeries and over twenty hospitalizations, I responded to both of them, “Are you nuts?!  All of my life I have been trying to get out of the hospital.  Why would I want to work in one?!”

Finally, after some consideration about chaplaincy, I applied and served as a chaplain intern during the summer of 2002.  This has been one of the best opportunities to which both my professor and director could have guided me!  Not only do I share with others my gifts of caring and writing, the Lord has availed me multiple chances to empathize and understand patients and their families by reflecting on my own experiences as a patient.

This journey of entering the ministry has, overall, involved taking a stand in two ways—one where making the “right” decision resulted in separateness from others and one where, despite my own desires not to do so, following another’s lead proves to result in a great outcome.

So, in what personal experiences have you had to take a stand?  How about professionally?  As caregivers here in the ICU, not only do you have to take a stand in numerous difficult circumstances but, as President Abraham Lincoln described, you have to “be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.”  However, when uncertainty presents itself, how do we make the appropriate decision?  In Jeremiah 6:16, God instructs, “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Thus, consider all the options, seek the wisdom from another associate with experience, and then carry it out.  Even though you may not always see the results of your perseverance and faith in providing proper care for our patients and their families, may you sense the Lord’s assurance and peace within your own spirit as you always remember that He is in control.

 

 

Years ago, I served as a resident chaplain for a local trauma center.  One afternoon, I received a trauma page for a male driver in a MVA going over 200 mph.

“Oh my gosh!  Is this guy nuts…driving over 200 mph through downtown Indy?!” I thought to myself.

After the driver arrived, I eventually spoke to him, asking if he wanted me his family contacted.  Responding affirmatively, he gave me his mother’s number.  When I introduced myself and updated her briefly via phone, she thanked me for calling and hung up immediately.

“What in the world is happening here?!” I reflected in bewilderment.

That evening, as I watched the news, no local accidents matched the description of this situation.  Still puzzled, I continued listening when the sports announcer stated, “Today, at the track, the driver so-and-so crashed into a wall after racing over 200 mph…”

“I was talking to a race driver!!!” I proclaimed loudly in both shock and understanding.

Moral of the Story: Never race ahead without knowing all the details!

Have you ever heard of Power Soccer?  Having just started learning and participating in this sport about a year ago, it involves maneuvering an electric wheelchair with a metal guard attached to the front.  Steering one’s self around a gym floor, the player pushes a bigger than average soccer ball with his or her guard to hopefully hit it between two posts.  With four teammates on the floor at once from each team, this sport strongly encourages the participants to work together by making quick, coordinated movements in order to maintain control of the ball.  I have begun understanding the proper movements and tactics in handling the ball through practicing on a weekly basis as well as spending hours in tournaments with my teammates.  The common phrase “practice, practice, practice” proves very true in this team-building setting.

As I have reflected on this new-found hobby, I have discovered that the movement in Power Soccer corresponds to the “movement” we provide in patient and even family care.  First of all, we all have assigned roles that offer direct or indirect care to the patients and families here in our health system.  In order to enhance the support that we provide them, we must spend many hours in defining and executing our various tasks in an organized fashion.  Martha Graham, an American performer, instructor, and choreographer of modern dance, defines “practice” as a “means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.”  Thus, we must continue “practicing” our roles in order to strive for the smooth but effective rendering of care we desire for the community.

Secondly, like with Power Soccer, one individual cannot remain in sole control over a patient’s care; it demands a multidisciplinary approach that implements a variety of skills and abilities to explore and address all the needs of the patient as well as the family.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”  Thus, without the backing of each other, we could not sustain the services in a timely, coordinated team approach delivered to the multitude of people that come through our doors.

So, where do you need to polish your skills in your assigned role in this health system?  In what ways can you have a greater effect on the team as one of the service providers?  Even though it is neither Power Soccer nor any sport for that matter, may we consciously and continuously acknowledge the Lord who guides us in our practices as a healthcare team with His Almighty Power!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage on the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, “Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me.”… This took place to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet: “Say to Daughter Zion, ‘See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’” — Matthew 21:1, 2, 4-5 (NIV)

The woman accepted an invitation to accompany a guy whom she knew well.  Upon the knocking, she opened the door eagerly, and the gentleman began the evening by giving her roses.  He then whisked her away to an elegant restaurant and later, by a moonlit pond, proposed to her.  Every girl’s dream, right?  Well, shortly thereafter due to various circumstances, the engagement ended, and they went their separate ways.

Now imagine, centuries ago, being a part of the crowd during Christ’s entry into Jerusalem. Living under Roman authority, you long for your freedom again.  You continuously pray for the overthrowing of Rome and for the restoration of your nation.  Finally, after many years, you see Him coming—the King, riding on the donkey, Who will regain control over Israel.  “Liberation is about to enter triumphantly.”  However, as the week progresses, the King doesn’t become ruler over your nation—from your perspective.

Unmet expectations.  Only does God understand these situations completely.  Neither the couple nor the Israelites comprehended the purpose for their disappointments, but He journeyed with them through the pain and grief of the loneliness.  Finally, God proved faithful at the end.  The couple eventually reestablished their relationship with a more meaningful, healthier outlook.  More importantly, Christ assumed authority over all His people by demonstrating His ultimate love through His resurrection.

Lord, despite any difficult circumstances I may be facing today, help me to remain focused on the final outcome as I allow You to triumphantly enter into my life.  Amen.

 

 

It was a chilly evening in February.  My family had gathered together for the last time in a small, dimly lit room, sitting around my grandmother who was lying on her bed.  We exchanged a few chuckles and tears over various memories, but mostly, we remained in “quiet companionship.”  About an hour later, as I expressed my love and farewell to this great woman whom I call “Mimi,” I will never forget the twinkle in her eyes and the smile upon her face.

To this day, about eleven years later, anytime I see a lady wearing a bright red winter coat, I remember the way she dressed.  Or, if, around Christmastime, I hear the song “We Three Kings,” I reflect joyfully on how much she loved singing that song.  Grief comes in a variety of forms and comes in waves throughout the years.  How do you move past the initial shock, though?  How do you continue living without your loved one?  Let’s take a closer look at the word “grief”: G – R – I – E – F.

“G” stands for “Give yourself time and space.”  You may find yourself crying or becoming angry at your loved one for leaving, and this may occur in any assortment of locations, such as your bedroom, vehicle, workplace, or church, and lasting from a few minutes or hours up to several days or months.  Specifically, I once heard about a woman who had an intimate loss in her life and had been sobbing continuously where she could barely function on a daily basis.  After a few weeks of this, in order to regain some normalcy, she set aside a half hour slot in her daily routine solely for grieving.  During this thirty-minute period, she went to a particular location in her home, such as her office area, and just wept.  At the end of the half hour, she left that area and carried on with the tasks that needed to be accomplished during that day.  As she continued this process repeatedly for several days, she eventually discovered that she no longer needed the allotted thirty minutes, and it slowly diminished to where it no longer played out in her routine.  Every person’s time and place to release his or her emotions varies.

Next is “R” – “Remember the memories.”  Remembering your loved one is not just significant for future generations to know about him or her, but it is also important in acknowledging the great impact that he or she had upon your own life.  Awhile back, a friend endured a loss in her family, and she decided to journal on her memories with him as well as requested those close to her to do the same.  If not journaling, memories may be exchanged in the form of storytelling or recaptured by visiting locations that brought great meaning to both of you.  I personally recall how, after my grandmother’s funeral, the entire family dined at Mimi’s favorite restaurant and exchanged numerous joys of her time here on earth.

Following “G – Give yourself time and space” and “R – Remember the memories,” then comes “I” – “Illicit others’ assistance when dealing with practical demands.”  While this step probably happened immediately after your loved one died, it may continue to occur for several weeks or even months.  Besides helping to ease your loneliness relating to your loss, your close family members and friends can accompany you with various endeavors, including preparing meals, making phone calls, sending thank you notes, and even sorting through your loved one’s personal belongings.  In Matthew 11:28-29, Jesus Christ states, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Though the Lord provides comfort during your time of mourning, your grieving can also be relieved by permitting those around you to carry some of the practical burdens.

As this occurs, it also provides an opportunity for you to express your feelings to those close to you, which is represented by “E.”  Sometimes you may need to just sit face-to-face with a friend, possibly just crying in his or her presence.  Other times, you may express yourself in an email.  Children, though, may share their feelings through different forms, like drawings or possibly sudden emotional outbursts.  No matter what forms your expressions take, with whom you express them, or when you express them, just express yourself, so you can move forward.

Finally, “F” stands for “Free yourself from others’ expectations as well as your own.”  There are no specific steps for how one’s grief should progress.  You will experience a mixture of feelings throughout this year as well as during upcoming seasons in your life.  Your grief journey is your own, and no one can completely understand it.  Know, though, that you are never alone, for the Almighty One is always at your side as a comforting presence.

Overall, relieving your grieving may involve:

• “G” – “Give yourself time and space.”
• “R” – “Remember the memories.”
• “I” – “Illicit others’ assistance when dealing with practical demands.”
• “E” – “Express your feelings to those close to you.”
• “F” – “Free yourself from others’ expectations as well as your own.”

In these final moments, I would like each of you to close your eyes, and imagine your loved one saying the following, which was written by an unknown author:

To Those I Love And To Those Who Love Me

Now that I am gone, release me, let me go.

I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears.

Be happy that we [shared my time here].

 I gave you my love.  You can only guess

How much you gave to me in happiness

I thank you for the love you each have shown,

But now it’s time I traveled on alone.

So grieve awhile for me if you must.

And let your grief be comforted by trust

It’s only for awhile that we must part.

So bless the memories within your heart.

I won’t be far away.  For life goes on.

So if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can’t see or touch me, [my spirit’s] near—

And if you listen with your heart, you’ll hear

All my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,

I’ll greet you with a smile as God says,

“Welcome Home!”

Close your eyes for a moment.  Imagine yourself doing your usual morning routine—getting out of bed, showering, dressing yourself, and basically living out your life.  Now, imagine waking up one morning but not being able to climb out of bed on your own.  You can’t bathe nor dress nor even feed yourself.  You are dependent upon another person for basic necessities.

As one who was recently a patient, I experienced much of this.  Approximately two and a half months ago, I underwent a hip replacement surgery.  I relied on many others for my provisions.  Can you actually believe a nurse even scolded me for walking alone from my bed to the bathroom?!  Anyway, while I struggled through this six-week period of being more in the role of “care receiver” rather than “caregiver,” this “valley” served as a great time of reflection, offering numerous hours for me to examine my life and realign my priorities in pursuit of the Lord’s will.

Now, in our area, we serve greatly as primary caregivers by medicating, feeding, and nurturing our patients.  Many of them are not even aware or do not recall our services in the days to come.  However, there is one group that does—their loved ones.  They wait in the lounge for endless periods, longing for updates from the medical team.  They spend many hours at the bedside, listening, watching, and praying for a miracle.  It’s in these “valleys” where several of them begin reflecting on the memories shared with the one lying in the bed and become aware of the dreams that probably will never be fulfilled.  They watch their loved one leave this earth, and thus, they themselves take the first steps to life alone.

Let us take a moment now to remember the paths that we journeyed last month with all the loved ones who endured this valley and continue to do so.

“Arthro-what?!” the new parents exclaimed.  “Arthrogryposis.  Along with her congenital muscular dystrophy (‘being born with weak muscles’), she was born with a condition that causes her joints to be stiff,” the doctors explained.  “She has cramped arms and legs, vocal cord paralysis, dislocated hips, club feet, crossed eyes, a heart murmur, and possibly brain damage.”  Wrenched with overwhelming anxiety, fear, and discouragement at this news, the couple stared at their daughter in disbelief—not even being able to imagine a successful future for their first child.

As the years passed, their little girl endured multiple hospitalizations and surgeries, which assisted her in gaining a great level of independence.  The medical team further predicted she would never walk, and if she did, it probably would not occur until the age of eighteen.  However, after numerous hours of working with a physical therapist and crying through the agony of bearing weight upon her feet, the child took her first few steps with a walker before the age of two.  Around that same time, she experienced a year’s worth of life with a tracheotomy followed by many years of speech therapy, which all resulted in her gaining the ability to verbally express herself—loud and clear!  Shortly after the diagnosis of possible brain damage, the couple soon discovered that their little one could excel intellectually and observed her eventually participate in the regular classroom.  Basically, as obstacles continued arising, the child continued persevering, not permitting anything to take away from her success.

Today, as I reflect on those early struggles I experienced, I laugh in admiration and continue to praise the Lord for how He has sculpted my life—never ceasing in molding me to a path of complete service to Him.  Particularly, it is ironic how, during my early years, I dreaded going to hospitals to receive evaluations and treatments from a plethora of medical staff—searching for every opportunity to escape from there, and now, God has opened the door and given me the willingness to walk freely into this same place to serve those experiencing their own complex journeys.  What a wonderful sense of humor He possesses!

Like with my own story, we all undergo hurdles and even tragedies in our lives where we may question the Almighty One’s presence and involvement during that time.  “Why is this happening to my family and me?  Where are You in the midst of this?  I don’t understand this!  Please help me!”  While these expressions are very understandable, it is necessary for us to eventually (maybe years or even decades later) obtain a faithful attitude that these events happen for a purpose beyond our own human comprehension.  The Lord always offers hope to His own people, so may we continue to hope in Him.  Thus, in the midst of our crises or even daily struggles, may we continuously seek God in making the ultimate reversal for His divine accordance to come alive!

 

 

 

This past Sunday, many individuals celebrated Valentine’s Day.  This holiday entails bestowing gifts, offering words of affection and love, and displaying acts of kindness to those near us.  Whether involved in a romantic relationship or just expressing gratitude to a close friend—maybe even a complete stranger, love is a decision that all people can choose to demonstrate to one another as well as to receive.

Personally, as a young child, I greatly recognized this choice to love through observing my parents making a crucial but the best decision that would forever impact our lives.  On August 25, 1983, while living in a suburb of Chicago, my parents and I drove to an agency where we would pick up the newest member of our family.  Anxiously awaiting the “grand moment,” I played with a toy necklace while my father and mother eagerly chatted over the upcoming transition.  Upon arriving to our destination, we reconnected with our assigned social worker and then strolled into a pale blue room that contained a crib, changing table, and an olive green-cushioned couch.  Having already been granted my parents’ permission to be the first one to hold my three day-old brother, I scooted all the way back onto the sofa and stretched my right arm out onto the pillow beside me, preparing to embrace this little one for the very first time.  Watching the “nanny” step away from the baby, my mother walked over to the crib, reached in to pick up my brother, brought him to the other side of the room, and placed him on my lap.  Snuggling the infant close to my body, I just stared into his face and whispered my first words to him: “Hi, Andy.”  This incredible milestone not only allowed my family to grow by one person numerically, but my parents’ acceptance of Andy taught me how family extends beyond bloodlines, including to those whom directly and significantly impact our lives and not necessarily those with similar heritages.

Having reflected on this event numerous times throughout my years, I have recently related this to our relationship with the Father—how He adopts each of us into His family and how He longs for us to love one another.  God lovingly creates every living creature on this earth and desires to express this love through an individualized relationship with each of us.  He does not discriminate nor abandon us, but He embraces our differences, yearning to walk alongside us on this journey of life and inviting every person to join His eternal family.  Furthermore, 1 John 4:19 states: “We love because He first loved us.”  In order to fully model the Father’s unconditional love, we also must love unconditionally—no matter with whom you interact.  However, the choice is yours.  Will you accept the Lord’s love?  Will you seek ways to love Him?  Love is a choice, and the decision lies within each and every soul whether or not to accept our Lord and our adopted brothers and sisters.

 

 

 

 

As this new year has begun, many of us have made resolutions for ’07; some of us have probably already broken them (like myself)!  Well, one New Year’s resolution that I would like to encourage us all to practice is enhancing the spiritual aspect of the patient care.  Now, you may be thinking, “Chaplain, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” and “Don’t you know how much we’re already doing?  How are we suppose to do this?”  What I’m about to share will not only increase the effectiveness of your patient care but also manage your own ability to handle the stress of both your professional and personal lives…that is, the 6 P’s of Spirituality!

Presence:  Maintaining one’s full awareness to the patient, any visitors, and any needs or desires.  This may involve responding to a page a few moments later to assure that the patient is all settled in or adjusting the patient’s bed and/or tray to avoid a sooner return.

Pause:  Taking a moment to breathe and bring your complete focus to the patient with whom you are about to interact.  You may wish to do this while rubbing your hands with the alcohol gel or while putting on an isolation gown.

Preparation:  Clearing one’s mind of any distractions—professional and personal—to assure proper, effective care of your next individual patient.  Keeping a “Things To Do” list in a small notebook that you can carry with you and meeting your own physical needs as they arise, such as having a snack or drink, are two possibilities that may assist in this process.

Posture:  Carrying one’s self to affirm the dignity and respect of the patient.  Direct eye contact and not watching the patient’s television reveals the primary focus for entering the room.

Power of words:  Speaking terms and phrases that acknowledge, affirm, encourage, and maintain the individuality of the patient and his or her situation.  Personally, I would encourage you to watch the “Power of Words” video located on the front page of our Intranet.

Prayer:  Communicating with the Spirit for guidance, wisdom, and comfort in caring for each of your patients.  This can be accomplished while driving to work, before entering each patient’s room, while sitting at the nurse’s station, etc.

While you may be just hearing of, learning, or continuing to use these six principles, the chaplaincy team is willing to assist you in further understanding and implementing these in your own ministry.  May the 6 P’s of Spirituality guide you this upcoming year in becoming a more effective caregiver!